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My Child Says the Teacher Yells at the Class

Ask the Experts: My fourth-grader says the teacher yells at students when adults are not around, and she is convinced the teacher dislikes her.

By Dr. Joseph Gianesin, Behavioral Consultant

Question: My daughter is in the fourth grade. She

Got a Question?
If your fourth-grader has an academic or school-related behavior problem you would like help solving, send it to myfourthgrader@greatschools.net.

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has been telling me that her teacher continually yells at her and the rest of the class.

She has informed me that her teacher talks to the class differently when other adults are in the classroom. She tells me that I would see for myself if there was a video camera in the classroom.

My daughter is convinced that her teacher hates her. I told her I would bring these issues up during parent-teacher conferences. Do you think I should do a few drop-ins prior to this parent-teacher meeting? Any ideas on how to keep my daughter encouraged about going to class?

Answer: Two pieces of information stand out that concern me. First, the observation your daughter has made that the teacher acts differently and her attitude in class changes when other adults are present. Second, your daughter perceives her teacher as disliking her. (Whether this is true or not, it is her perception.)

I always counsel parents to talk with the teacher first and express their concerns. Stay focused on your daughter and describe how she feels — unwanted and not welcome in the class. If you keep the discussion focused on your child and how concerned you are about her, the teacher won't feel threatened and upset. Engaging the teacher as an ally in helping your child feel nurtured and wanted is important.

If the teacher fails to respond, the next step is to make an appointment with the principal indicating your concerns. Many principals walk around their buildings and listen closely to the tact and tone of teachers without the teachers' knowledge. The principal is the person who evaluates the teacher and he/she is concerned when teachers are not treating children respectfully.

As far as your daughter is concerned, we all will have a teacher or two that we won't click with. Encourage your daughter to talk about positive as well as negative experiences she is having at school. This helps her put the classroom day in a larger perspective.

Dr. Joseph Gianesin is a professor at Springfield College School of Social Work and a program and behavioral consultant for public schools in Massachusetts. He has more than 25 years of experience as a child and family therapist, a school social worker and a school administrator.

Advice from our experts is not a substitute for medical or other professional advice and services from a qualified health-care provider familiar with your unique situation. We recommend consulting a qualified professional if you have concerns about your child's medical or emotional condition.

December 2006

Comments From GreatSchools.net Users

07/28/2008:

"I see some parents here questioning what to do. I feel you have to follow the chain of responsibility. Talk to the teacher, then the principal, then if the principal backs the teacher and does not give you any options to change classes you are in the acute decision mode; first pick a new school if possible, or pull your child out and homeschool if you can, and DO tell your school board member and the superintendent. The superintendent needs to know if a principal is allowing this kind of behavior, and so do the school board members, so they can work together to find a solution. Only the superintendent can reassign or fire a principal; school boards only have one employee, the superintendent. If several principals are letting things slide, the school board can start looking for a more attentive superintendant. My daughter had her hair pulled and was shouted at in class too. I still can't believe those teachers call themselves 'professional' when there is no other profes! sion that allows shouting at the clients (maybe fitness coach?) but the principals can't do anything unless they are informed... write down the incidents so you can give facts, not just emotion."

04/4/2008:

"yelling should be banished from school becuase it is just another way for teachers to punish harmless children like myself"

03/12/2008:

"im a student nd i agree exactly on what this 4th grader says nd im in the 5th grade see what the thing is the teacher always yells at us nd put the blame on us but when an adult is around the teachers act all sweet and innocent but 1 thing i do noe is i cant stand her at all she is a lier nd she loves to get people in trouble haha may i have a word of advice please!!!!????"

10/22/2007:

"My daughter is in 5th grade and has a teacher that yells at the class. My daughter has had two anexiety attacks and has asked to move to a different class or school. The teacher is a big man, very intimidating looking. My husband met with him (after the first anexiety attack) and the teacher was very nice. Since the meeting though, he continues to yell at the class even when one or two students cause the trouble. His class has some of the best standard test scores in the school so I hate to transfer my daughter but I can't watch her have anxeity attacks. She's 10 years old and a good student and a good kid. The teacher has a rep for yelling so at the beginning of the year I told my daughter to obey his rules and he won't yell at you. Well, she obeys his rules but he continues to yell at (and punish - missed recess time) the entire class. I spoke to him last week and have my parent/teacher conference today. I hate to move her but my daughter is my first priority. A! ny ideas????"

10/11/2007:

"Yelling should be abolished like spanking has been -- it's destructive and counterproductive. My daughter is in 2nd grade and based on our experience so far, it's pretty common for teachers to yell at their students. Her pre-school/pre-K teacher was so severe that she stopped writing her name and begged not to go to school. I had a talk with the teacher and worked out for the other teacher to work with my daughter on academics but the scars persist. Her K teacher was perfection; there were complaints of yelling in 1st (which ended when a high maintenance child was transferred to another class) and now my daughter doesn't want to go to 2nd grade because her teacher yells. No wonder home schooling is so popular!"

04/12/2007:

"Sometimes teachers seem to take out their frustration on the whole class for the misbehavior of a few annoying students. Some teachers have less patience and then teachers are notorious for not getting paid enough. I think it's best to chat with the teacher, then principal and switch classes if you know of a better classroom. Otherwise change schools!"

01/2/2007:

"I think it's inappropriate for a teacher to be 'yelling' at the kids. If it's true if there are behavior problems she should address it in a calm authoritive manner she should give out detentions, hold kids in at recess, notify parents, send kids to the office etc. It sounds to me that yelling might be her favorite tool to getting the childrens attention and it's not working. I would go and speak to the teacher ask her about it and express your concern. If however the behavior continues I'd have a meeting with the principle and have her look into it. If still no resolution spend time in the classroom. Also see if you can't talk to other parents and see if other children have the same complaint. Because the important thing is to keep your child excited about school and having a teacher she feels is approachable so she can blossom in the class. And at some point the teacher, your child, you and your husband will have to sit down and talk about the specific incidences and work ! thru it.And if you do find out that perhaps your daughter 'isn't being an angel' it's still not a good reason to be yelling and acting different towards the children when other parents aren't around. "

01/2/2007:

"As a fourth grade teacher myself I know that they tend to talk more than other grades. When I taught 1st and 2nd they talked less and were more repectful. A question I would ask your daughter is....'Do the students act differently when other adults are in the room?' Most likely the answer is yes. Fourth graders like to push things to the limit. When we were children the parents often supported the teachers first. However in today's society parents back their children first and have a tendancy to blame the teacher for every problem that occurs. I do feel that there is something not right here though because the child feels unliked. When talking to the teacher you may bring that up first and see her reaction. Before going to the principal give things some time. "

12/27/2006:

"Yelling teachers happens more than you think,although some teachers try their best to control the yelling in the classroom. Some very frustrated teachers find this method works to get the classes attention. I don't really agree with this method I have seen some very misbehaved children and sometimes the way to get their attention is to yell at them.I don't think all the children in the class should have to be yelled at. I have been through this as well with some of my childrens' teachers and the best approuch is to talk and communicate with the teacher about how this is affecting your child.Communication with the child teacher and parent are very Important!"

12/26/2006:

"My daughter had confided in me that her teacher was yelling at her class and did not feel like the teacher liked her or her classmates. This is after she had told me that she would raise her hand in class to ask a question and the teacher would ignore her and even if she went to her desk to ask a question. I had also seen on one of her papers that the teacher made her write one of her multiplication problems that she had missed 50 times.My daughter had an A in her class but it was gradually going down while her other grades were good. I knew it was time for me as a parent, to have a conference with this teacher. I expressed my concerns to her calmly and listened to her, and she told me she didn't yell and she would not ignore anyone anymore who raised their hand or came to her desk.I also had told her the meeting went well and I hope future incidents would not arise.The next day, she apologized to her class if they felt like she was yelling, and told them to feel free to com! e to her any time or her I told my daughter to always come to me first thing when something as this was going on so we can solve it sooner. I was approached by other parents, also about this certain teacher whose children had her in the past and now have her, and had told me similar situations happen. But not many had gone to her, because they thought of reprucussions on their child. I took the chance and hopefully it will be better. If not, our next step is to go to the principal. Remember, as a parent, listen to your chikd and observe how he or she talks about their classes."

12/21/2006:

"I agree.This just recently happened to us with my son's class(fourth grade),since their teacher left,they had been having substitute since Oct.One day it was the assistant principal who took over the class, my son came home and said the asst principal yelled at them all the time.Now,I have heard this before since this person came to the school, but never complained about it.This time I went to the principal and complained and later on she came back to the classs and apologized.It is also a good idea to drop-in to the class and talk to the teacher.I offer to volunteer and spent time with my children( if time allows) during their lunch time.Parents are equal partnership with teachers for better education of our children."

12/20/2006:

"My son's teachers (four of them)put on one front for the parents and their demeanor is very degrading to the students in the classroom. I have been told that the principal is aware of the situation but will always back his teachers. This has been going on for years at this grade level. (sixth) I have three more children to see through this school. Do I talk to the principal anyway or go directly to the School Superintendant or school board?"

12/20/2006:

"I disagree; the young girl feels like this because of the yelling and different behavior of the teacher when other adults are around. Kids pick up on attitude alot faster than adults(we have discounted our intuition too long). I would go to the principal first and address the difference of teacher behavior; then talk to the teacher maybe the principal can sit in and discuss options. Whatever is done the young girls' perceptions must not be discounted. "

12/20/2006:

"I had this problem with my son's third grade teacher. I discussed the problem with the principal, but everytime he observed the classroom she knew it and she had a different demeaner. I think it is a common problem when you have to many students in one classroom."

12/19/2006:

"I totally disagree. I went through a similar experience and not only the teacher resented talking about it that other teachers at the scholl took a very different attitude towards my child as well as myself. That was in third grade. During the fourth grade I have avoided completely trying to resolve issues with the teachers and opted out to discuss first with the principal. She was made aware of what happennned previously and has been instrumental on resolving this kind of issues. It is actually rare to find teachers which will not take things personal. Not every child is the same and some teachers may not realize their demeanor or tone of voice may me treathening."