Question: My son loves to be the center of attention at home but especially at school.

Got a Question? If your first-grader has an academic or school-related behavior problem you would like help solving, send it to myfirstgrader@greatschools.net. More on GreatSchools.net Is My Child Too Social? Ask the Experts About First-Graders

In doing so he misses a lot of the instruction from the teacher and then doesn't know what to do. He laughs at inappropriate times and interrupts a lot. At times he becomes rude and disrespectful when the teacher is talking or giving instructions as he won't stop laughing or talking. What can we do to help stop this behavior? His teacher uses a "time-out" corner or puts him in the hallway when he is being disruptive. But that only works some of the time.

Answer: You mentioned he loves being the center of attention at home. It's possible that the attention-getting behaviors he learned were cute then, but now get in his way at school.

Children also use those same learned behaviors when they are feeling anxious. For example, once upon a time he did something adorable and you laughed and called in the whole family to witness. He did it again and he got the same result. He begins to learn that that behavior will work in a variety of different circumstances: to distract when he's feeling uncomfortable or soothe when he's wanting connection. In school he is trying what has worked for him in the past. He doesn't have another method.

Children are better at showing us with their behavior what's wrong than by telling us. Make sure that you and the teacher have a clear understanding of what he's trying to achieve. If his acting out is because of learning difficulties then he may need an educational assessment. If he has difficulty with peer relations, he may need opportunities to learn how to get along in group settings.

Time-outs are fine, but nothing works 100 percent of the time. It may help calm him down, or it might reinforce inappropriate ways to connect with the teacher. Give him opportunities to participate and get attention in more positive situations at school and at home by giving him tasks he can easily accomplish. A school counselor might help him identify and tolerate his feelings. This could give him more tools to communicate what may be difficult for him, rather than having to seek attention.

Debra Collins is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Debra has worked in both primary and middle schools as a school counselor. She gives workshops to teachers and students on a variety of topics concerning youth and families and offers parenting classes and parent coaching to parents throughout the Bay Area. Debra is also a mental health assessor for the San Francisco Unified School District.

Advice from our experts is not a substitute for medical or other professional advice and services from a qualified health-care provider familiar with your unique situation. We recommend consulting a qualified professional if you have concerns about your child's medical or emotional condition.

September 2007